Empty promises.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Chilling sessions with US! =D
outing for movie on 25th May 09!
amanda, char, me, max, alton, joshua!
much looovesss! <3

woke up in the afternoon and started cooking, lazed around, watched a movie: Rails and Ties. Quite a nice show. =) Rushed to parkway to meet naughty buddy hui ping after that, before going to bugis. We were suppose to go haji lane, but it was kinda late and drizzling so we decided not to go. I spent so much at bugis...On accesories alone!! =( like $70 plus?!?!! I must be nuts!! Lost my brain on 15th may. told you so! Today was a fun day catching up with her, crapping and shopping. =) haha. whoots!

trying to forget, just like you already did.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

I've never expect you to hurt me like that.
I never knew you would hurt me like that.
I may seem like I'm strong and not bothered by all these at all.
But, in actual fact, I'm not that strong afterall.
I'm weak.

I can take a few tears now and then
and just let 'em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok,
but that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was trying to do
-what hurts the most by rascal flatts

"Don't let someone become your priority in your life.
When you are just an option in their life." -taken from Jason's blog.

This is so true. Yet, it's so difficult to do it.

Friday, May 29, 2009

All along, I thought you were different from the rest.
I've never expected you to be like 'that'.
If I did, I'll never do what I did that fateful night.
I'm just disappointed in you. Very, in fact.
I know, this whole thing never bothered you at all.
It only bothered me.
Going for lunch with you for the first time,
and sitting down for a long talk was the biggest mistake.
Don't you think so?
And I guess, all my questions, will be left without answers.

Sometimes, I feel that
hurting myself and
by drinking is a way out.
At least I feel better after drinking.
Makes me go high and things like that.
Maybe I'll be able to cry it all out.
I'll let go of myself.

I didn't mean to fall in love with you...

Thursday, May 28, 2009

oh yeah...My instinct was right. all along.
Damn it. why did i trust everything you said?

I missed you today.

So tired with everything, I woke up at 4:20pm today..gosh. My body's aching a little and there's training tomorrow..=( oh my...just hope there's no physical training tomorrow. Just on court playing. heh. *keeps fingers crossed.*

in the process....

A TWIST IN MY STORY.
this sentence really says it all. my life.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

slept at about 6am...before I slept, I checked my message and realised PW is at 10am. not 8am. And I was so happy. so I went to sleep. RESULT: 15 missed calls and woke up at 10:13am. which means I was late for school. !!! dang!! Rushed down to school and There was 1 more hour left for PW. teehee. haha.
Anyway, tennis after that. Was really tired. But today's training was better than other days cause we get to play longer. and I convinced Mr Lim to let the tennis people play after training. But only from 6 to 630?! well....better than none right. Bathed in school today. for the first time. and It felt so freaking shiok!! damn cooling. haha. Thanks Joanna for lending me your slippers. =)) Went to Novena after that for Mr Yap's Birthday. And as usual....I took the freaking wrong train again!!!! ARGH.. Instead of taking the one towards Jurong, I took the one towards Marina Bay. So i alighted at city hall ( this time, i realised the blunder I made quite early! an improvement! ) and I took the wrong escalator -.- freaaaaaak man. I made it to Green Bean anyway. =DD All of them were already there! Oh. met Janice and friends on the way. Haven't seen them for ages! Okay...anyway, met up with Derek. Char, Pris, Sher, Yap, Gib, Jason, Ben, Albert ( the last time i saw him was...let's see.....LAST YEAR, when they sent me off?!!), Dunros, Masashi. =DD saw some others which I haven seen for so long....like reaaaal. long. So..we went foodcourt because Bird wants to eat. So we sat there and I bought ice cream! UDDERS!! rum and raisin + green tea =D lovessss. haha. Next was drink. Thanks to Masashi. haha. You better keep your word to what you promised me okay! You can do it boy!! Back to bean. then HOME.

it's a really tiring day today. very...and I'm glad I'm home now. chatting with people! duh right...aliens uh...lol. haha

life's full of ups and downs.
The sorrows...
Sometimes you just need to drown it.
and I did it.
but I am still very awake. =(
didnt had enough to make me go to sleep. ass.

YES. I AM BROKEN. I ADMIT I AM BROKEN OKAY... THANKS TO YOU. THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED. YOU GOT IT. HAPPY NOW.

so I'll sing this song to you
for the last time
and my heart is broken in two
thinking of days spent without you
and there's nothing left to prove.

I'll miss you. much.
I already am.
Missing everything I had.
All the past. that will never happen again.
this i know.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Tennis today was alright. But it's tiring. Sorry people who played with me. I know I hit really hard. I needed to vent my anger and stress. SORRY vic and dionne.

I think some things are really just a past time. Just for entertainment. Something to help you to pass time? Something to be forgotten after each minute. After every second the clock ticks. Yeah. reality and the truth hurts. real bad. I dont know how long It will take for me to heal myself mentally. I don't know what I have to go through. But I know I'm tired. Dread all these fucked up memories...time to write another song? should I? =(

okay. fine. maybe I'm not that strong afterall. I feel really confused now. I feel fucked up and everything. Lost my freaking brain on 15th may and I'm paying the price now. SHIT. I should've known better. Know where I stand. I'm still living in a state of denial I would say...darn ass sien. Stupid sien. ARGHHHHHHHHH. Crying doesnt really make me feel better...I'm still upset and confused. =( SIEN SUCKSSSS!!! ARGHHHHHH.

nevermind. it's just another blow. I can take it. I can. I really can.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Oh. Went arcade with alton. we played this jubcube. whatever it is. And I couldnt stop laughing. it was so funny. haha. and we totally sucked at it. We moved on to play basketball and I played BETTER than Alton. woohoo. haha =) Overall. today was freaking fun! =))

East Coast Outing with Max and Char <3

Max and me!

The SIEN. haha

Buddies!

Buddies again! =)

I shall not post the retard pics of me. haha.

After staying up for so long, I finally went to sleep at 5am plus yesterday. I was tired before that but i just cant bring myself to go to sleep. I'm scared. Especially I talked to bro about it. I almost cried. I needed someone to talk to on the phone. But it's already so late...everyone would be sleeping by then. So..Char gave me a wake up call and I picked up, went back to sleep. at 7 plus..Sorry char. I was really very tired. So Max and Char found their way to my house. Woohoo. Cool. haha. Made our way to east coast together, had breakfast, emo, camwhore. DDR. After so long...yay. haha. Cabbed to The Cathay for movie =) met up with Josh, Alton and Monda. After movie, dinner, walked around. Max, monda, josh went home. So I chilled with alton. muahaha. Powerpack.Crapping with alton..kinda fun. SORRY FOR DROPPING YOUR CAMERA DAMN HARD. REALLY VERY SORRY ALTON. =( finally bought my body shop cream =)) trhen to starbucks. OMG. I spit out when I drank water luh. so malu...and alton saw the whole scene ( it was his water anyway, and he was worried i spit water back into his bottle?! ) when I spit, I mean spit out. Not into the bottle!!! argh...I couldnt stop laughing. haha. once again. sorry alton. haha. and Now, I'm home =)

I miss you.
Why are you so cold towards me now?
You never ignored my messages before.
But it's becoming something you always do now.
I feel like talking to you so much.
But I'm trying to resist the temptation.
I wish...for once.
Only once, you'll be the one talking to me first.
Why are you treating me this way now?
Are you trying to make me give up?
Why why why why why?
I've so many questions to ask you.
=(

I'm falling apart.
Gonna be torn into pieces.
VERY SOON
just like what you wanted.

I can't believe the fact that.
you
asked her out to study.
just one day
after
'it'
happened.
anyway, I am disappointed.
you always forget stuff..

Sunday, May 24, 2009

missing you. once again.

Did you forget That I was even alive Did you forget Everything we ever had Did you forget Did you forget About me Did you regret Ever standing by my side Did you forget What we were feeling inside Now I'm left to forget About us But somewhere we went wrong We were once so strong Our love is like a song You can't forget it So now I guess This is where we have to stand Did you regret Ever holding my hand Never again Please don't forget Don't forget We had it all We were just about to fall Even more in love Than we were before I won't forget I won't forget About us But somewhere we went wrong We were once so strong Our love is like a song You can't forget it Somewhere we went wrong We were once so strong Our love is like a song You can't forget it At all And at last All the pictures have been burned And all the past Is just a lesson that we've learned I won't forget I won't forget us But somewhere we went wrong Our love is like a song But you won't sing along You've forgotten About us

the song that kinda describes my feelings and the situation I feel I am in right now. Dont Forget by Demi Lovato.

Watched 'A night at the museum' with cousins yesterday. muahaha. 1145pm movie. finally!!! The movie's funny. Me like. haha. Maybe Monster VS Alien tomorrow! Whoo. better party before my freaking result is released. Yesterday's a really great day. =) Oh ya. I was half conscious yesterday, about falling into deep sleep at about 4am when suddenly I heard someone opened my door and came into my room. I thought it was aunty or someone. I was kinda scared. After a few seconds, I decided to open my eyes and I realised there was nobody in my room. Nobody came in. But it was really very weird. It felt so real. As if someone came into my room. I was so frightened, and was stunned for a moment. Maybe my body was very tired and became like this or....maybe not. This is the second time I felt this way. The first time was even worst. I was about to sleep after studying. Then when I was half conscious, I felt this force, trying to pull me away from my bed, coming from behind me. Then, I felt I was pushed into my bed, and out again. Terrible feeling. I was really scared I started praying silently. After some time, it went away. What an experience right.... sigh..Anyway, I'm staying home today. =) heehee. OUTING TOMORROW!

Hey monster.
Get well soon okay. =)
Don't sleep so late anymore.
You know, the first thing that goes to my head when I wake up
is you.
I ..........
hmmm..i still can't say it. =(
anyway, when are we going to clear it up?
You said I didnt mess it up. You sure?
Cause my instinct tells me that, something's not really gonna go my way...

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Missing you.

hmm. almost cried when she told me what she saw. two of you. You. and her.
It's funny how you can tell that I was a lil' avoiding you.
I made one big round to get to my locker.
Yet, everytime I wish to see you.
This is getting really weird..

Thursday, May 21, 2009

I miss you.
All the texting we used to do.
I remember the first text you'll send.
"Reached home already?"
It may be something short.
But It means a lot.
It makes me smile.
This, you'll never realise.

If you ever see all these that I've wrote.
You must think that I'm crazy, a stalker, a weirdo.
Some scary girl. Emo girl and such. I don't know.
But these are all I'm feeling. seriously.

Mid years' finally over. It was really draining and tiring. And I'm gonna get a shitass score cause I didnt study...didn't study hard at all. Less than 10 points for mid years I guess.Well..i did spend a lot of time on Chemistry's redox...but still, I could'nt do the questions anyway..shucks. I screwed up all my papers actually. But I'm glad exams are over. I couldn't really concentrate and put my whole to it. hmmm.

and now...the mid years' over.
I will wait for the day when you'll clear things up, when I'll clear things up, when we'll clear things up with each other. I kinda know the answer already I guess. But I need you to say it to me to make me give up. and You know it. But I hope that we can still remain the same, how we used to be no matter what happens... quite impossible actually huh...

Sunday, May 17, 2009

joshua made me think a lot.

You may think that i'm mad at you. But I'm not.
If i don't talk to you, it's not because i'm mad at you or anything. it's just that i don't know how to face you.
I don't have the courage to see you and talk to you. Not even a hi. Though maybe i'll try. And I've a question. Was yesterday the end of the story or will you really clear things up after next week? I wanna know what you're feeling right now. And I wasn't pissed when I hung up the phone. It's just that since we don't know what to say and I guess we had nothing more to say, and it was so awkward, and either one of us had to hang up first, I choose to be the one hanging up first. cause if it's the other way round, I'll feel more hurt. I just want you to know that I am not mad at you and I don't hate you. (though you won't get to see this). Alright...I have many questions actually. Is it partly because of her? When I said 'forget it, I think i'm just thinking too much. Goodnight. bye.' and hung up before you could answer me, it's because I was really sad. It hit me hard. I didn't know what to do. But i think what you're thinking now is: I'm mad at you. I hate you. I don't want to talk to you anymore. Is this what you're thinking? I wish I could tell you all this. But I just do not have the courage to face you anymore. I need to know what you're thinking. For once, can you take the initiative please? Afterall, I'm a girl. and I've done the big step already. I really need an answer to this question: Did the story ended when we hung up? or will you clear things up with me later?

=( I don't know what to do. =(

yeah. You did give me hope. I would say you did mislead me.
I don't know when it started. But it's not just yesterday or something like that okay.
I should've picked up the signal that you don't want me to talk about it.
I should've known better. But I was stupid.
I don't know why I feel that way okay.
I just like your company and the time we spend together.
but...

I'm having second thoughts. Maybe I don't feel that way?

FUCKED UP.

I feel damn fucked up.
Yesterday was seriously the worst day ever! What the hell was I thinking damn it? I must be out of my mind to do what I told myself I wont do. FREAK SHIT. Why did I do it? I'm so ambarrassed of myself! I'm angry with myself. I'm very upset with myself. I find myself Very Very stupid. Argh. I wish I was playing tennis now. Then I can let all my frustrations out. I will hit the ball real hard. With all my might. With all the strength I have. Till I'm drained. Till I fall.
Hung up the phone and I did tear and cry a lil. It's so painful when you feel like crying but you just cant. Is it a sign for something? I don't know. But it bothers me a lot. How am I going to face it man? fuck. I ruined everything. I got no 'face' now. It took me so long to decide if I should do it. It took great amount of courage to do it. Great. Once again. I am crushed. I think I just have to get used to it. This crushed feeling. So next time I wont get hurt again. =)

Thanks to those who were there to cheer me up when you see me upset. Really appreciate all the small little things you all do.I'm lucky to have good friends like all of you. Well, after so long, I finally get to drown all my sorrows again. And I was still so clear-headed after that. whoa.

Where's the trust I thought I had in you?
Everything's not gonna be the same anymore.
Ain't it?
Forget it. Let it go.
I'm just being a fool...

Thursday, May 14, 2009

I am very confused.
By your every move.
I wish I'm not easily influenced.
=(

and you're the reason for my mood swings...

argh.
why are you always in my head?
I'm trying not to think so much about it.
But It's like so difficult?!!
why why why why why why?
you sotong ...tsk tsk tsk

Monday, May 11, 2009

hmm. okay.
I think you don't feel the same way,
the way that I do.
It's heartbreaking.
for me of course.
=(

well..still, I'll still say it.

I do like you.
thanks for everything boy.

missing you...
don't know why.
it's always you.
in my head.
and I just can't get it out.

I'm falling deeper into it...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOY!

Hope you'll enjoy your big day today.
and I wish your dream will come true!
be happy! =)

and...I love you.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Deleted the two posts cuz i didnt want you to read it.
yeah. I got a crush on you.
and I'm feeling upset because
I dont think you feel the same way as I do.

Just another heartbreak.

haha. the sweetness... makes me high.
Well I don't know what you're thinking...
but I guess it's alright ... only for the time being...
Although I really wish
I could read your mind easily.

I wonder are you the shy type?
Are you the type that take things slowly?
Hmmm....I wonder.
This makes my mind go round and round.
Like a merry-go-round.

I'm getting a lil' impatient now...
Once in while, I just feel like calling or talking to you
face to face
to ask you questions I've been dying to ask
and to tell you what have been bothering me ,
distracting me and confusing me.
It's you.
which I don't think you know.

oh no!!!
My mind is filled with you. damn it.
=( or =)
arghhhhhhhh.

I'm very very very confused.
I don't know what I'm thinking.
I don't know what you're thinking.
Are you feeling the same way as me?
Cause I'm getting tired soon.
From your sudden hot and coldness.
But I guess you're the happy-go-lucky type.
You won't even realise what I'm feeling.
But thank you for the wonderful times.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

feeling lousy these two days.
I just don't get it.
Why so unfair?
Predetermined?
I wasn't even given the chance.
It's all gone.
I will keep a distance from you guys one day.
Cause eventually I'll feel like I'm not one of you.
I don't say it to you guys cause I know you guys
will not understand how I feel. Harsh...but this is the way
LOUSY S.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Outing with the beanies after school today to chill and dinner. Thanks Jason for picking me up. heh. Met up with Jason, Yap wen, Gibson, Marcus, Masashi, Char. Played some games after dinner and the loser eat all the gross stuff yp mixed. hah. Love you guys! Anyway, the last time I saw Masashi, he was a quiet. kinda cool guy. but today, i wonder why....he's so full of rubbish! in a funny way though. heh. My laptop's gonna shut off soon..no batt.so bye! <3

Sunday, May 3, 2009

effing pissed!
woke me up at 1140pm just to ask me to drink soup?!
wth.
I need sleep. that's all. nothing else!
ROAR! ROAR! ROAR! ROAR!

DAMN IT!

Friday, May 1, 2009

I'm so dead.
I don't know if i'll be able to do my PI well or even finish it by MONDAY 4th MAY 2009.
I just realised today's the 1st of MAY.
I havent wash my school uniform and I need it tomorrow.
I have a GP test tomorrow.
I have been failing my tests. ( most of them )
I got lots of things to complete.
I have been injury prone this year, I don't know why...
I don't know if I should meet up with the beanies tmr.

=(