Wishlist:
To be promoted to J2
Camera
figure skating lessons and my own pair of boots
Good Grades
To be a pro pianist and singer =D
To be promoted to J2
Camera
figure skating lessons and my own pair of boots
Good Grades
To be a pro pianist and singer =D
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Bituwin -
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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.
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Monday, August 31, 2009
very tired so I'm going to bathe and hit the pillows.
hardly had any sleep yesterday. and i think i'm going to have eye infection again.
cause I dont take good care of my eyes. Studying at airport was very productive today.
anyway, thanks J.
hardly had any sleep yesterday. and i think i'm going to have eye infection again.
cause I dont take good care of my eyes. Studying at airport was very productive today.
anyway, thanks J.
when will I be able to smile a real smile again?
i just hate pw and mission x.
promos coming in less than a month
hah.
how am i going to finish all my work?
i wonder.
promos coming in less than a month
hah.
how am i going to finish all my work?
i wonder.
2am...
I'm thinking of you
I'm missing you
I'm thinking of you
I'm missing you
Thursday, August 27, 2009
I miss you.
Sien's a lil' thrilled and happy about something today. =)
and a lil' disappointed too?
today I can tell that
things are indeed different now.
Anyway,
Woke up today with a stiff, aching shoulder and neck. and i thought it was because I didnt sleep in a correct position. So it was yesterday's 500 crunches. Cause rong li and ryan got so painful neck too. haha. hmmm. Tomorrow's gonna be a long tiring day. lessons till 330pm. tennis 'match'. tuition. all in a row. zzzZZZ. and Saturday...GP paper in the morning. and Bukit Timah hike in the afternoon. =((( zzZZZ. then STUDY.
how great eh?
and a lil' disappointed too?
today I can tell that
things are indeed different now.
Anyway,
Woke up today with a stiff, aching shoulder and neck. and i thought it was because I didnt sleep in a correct position. So it was yesterday's 500 crunches. Cause rong li and ryan got so painful neck too. haha. hmmm. Tomorrow's gonna be a long tiring day. lessons till 330pm. tennis 'match'. tuition. all in a row. zzzZZZ. and Saturday...GP paper in the morning. and Bukit Timah hike in the afternoon. =((( zzZZZ. then STUDY.
how great eh?
woah. unbelievable. albert talked to me. after so long. and we crapped. I really missed the times when we just encouraged each other during the hard times last year. hmmmmm. okay...i think i am feeling hungry now. it rained today. so after so long...PT day arrived. 500 skippings + 500 crunches + a lil' bit more fun skipping. tennis for less than half an hour and we were told to clear the court. SIAN. okay. my tennis just suck.
Monday, August 24, 2009
I feel like I've drifted away from all my used-to-be good/best friends.
Charmaine low, Charmaine koh, Alton, Priscilla and guys... They mean something to me. We used to be so close. But now, it's as if we're strangers. I feel distant from them. Like I dont understand them and they dont understand me anymore. I dont feel comfortable telling them how i really feel about things anymore. I feel they'll most probably think I'm just thinking too much and stuff yada yada. Yeah, they tell me I can talk to them when I need to. But...I dont think so. I dont even know how to start. Will they even be serious? Everything's just different. Very different. I never thought of a day like this before. seriously... Well, things change and people change. I guess all of us changed. I know I've been acting really weirdly these few weeks. and I just dont know why. I dont know myself, I dont understand myself. I dont know what's wrong with me these days. It's getting from bad to worse. I know I've been kinda avoiding all of you. Giving you all the cold shoulder. I'm sorry. I'm now just a person full of anger and sadness. nothing else. Life's a bore. Life's really shit. Sometimes, at night, I just get angry with life. weird right. I told you. I am weird. I guess none of them will understand me. and None of them will realise all these. I feel scared and left out? though it seems I'm the one pushing them away from me. I wish they understood me better, I wish they would be there to lend me a shoulder to cry on. But everybody have their own life isnt it? They cant be bothered...sigh. Take my life. If I could go to heaven, I'll take it. I know it's selfish but....it really hurts. deep inside.
Charmaine low, Charmaine koh, Alton, Priscilla and guys... They mean something to me. We used to be so close. But now, it's as if we're strangers. I feel distant from them. Like I dont understand them and they dont understand me anymore. I dont feel comfortable telling them how i really feel about things anymore. I feel they'll most probably think I'm just thinking too much and stuff yada yada. Yeah, they tell me I can talk to them when I need to. But...I dont think so. I dont even know how to start. Will they even be serious? Everything's just different. Very different. I never thought of a day like this before. seriously... Well, things change and people change. I guess all of us changed. I know I've been acting really weirdly these few weeks. and I just dont know why. I dont know myself, I dont understand myself. I dont know what's wrong with me these days. It's getting from bad to worse. I know I've been kinda avoiding all of you. Giving you all the cold shoulder. I'm sorry. I'm now just a person full of anger and sadness. nothing else. Life's a bore. Life's really shit. Sometimes, at night, I just get angry with life. weird right. I told you. I am weird. I guess none of them will understand me. and None of them will realise all these. I feel scared and left out? though it seems I'm the one pushing them away from me. I wish they understood me better, I wish they would be there to lend me a shoulder to cry on. But everybody have their own life isnt it? They cant be bothered...sigh. Take my life. If I could go to heaven, I'll take it. I know it's selfish but....it really hurts. deep inside.
Of all pains, the greatest pain,
Is to love, and to love in vain.
-George Granville
Is to love, and to love in vain.
-George Granville
Sunday, August 23, 2009
just another day...
Saturday, August 22, 2009
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
I cant stand it anymore. this fucking feeling is killing me. bad. idk why. but i feel like i'm not a part of anyone anymore. Am i able to build up my courage and do what i really want to do. and do what i gotta do to end all these bloody shit i am living? i want to end it all. just wait and see.
I cant stand it anymore. this fucking feeling is killing me. bad. idk why. but i feel like i'm not a part of anyone anymore. Am i able to build up my courage and do what i really want to do. and do what i gotta do to end all these bloody shit i am living? i want to end it all. just wait and see.
i find life meaningless
if i got the courage
maybe i would do that
if i got the courage
maybe i would do that
idk what happened to my life.
idk what happened to me.
why did i become someone i dont know?
why am i feeling confused and scared everytime?
what is my purpose here?
what is the purpose of life?
I think many things have changed.
you've changed
I've changed
You didnt mean what you said
We didnt bother to make things work
it's like...
I thought I knew you
but the fact is ....
i dont.
idk what happened to me.
why did i become someone i dont know?
why am i feeling confused and scared everytime?
what is my purpose here?
what is the purpose of life?
I think many things have changed.
you've changed
I've changed
You didnt mean what you said
We didnt bother to make things work
it's like...
I thought I knew you
but the fact is ....
i dont.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
two words.
BAD DAY.
BAD DAY.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
1 more day to doomsday!
=(
freakass!
someone
save
me.
I
needs
tonnes TONNES
OF LUCK.
=(
freakass!
someone
save
me.
I
needs
tonnes TONNES
OF LUCK.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
2 more days to doomsday.
anyway, physical training was...awesome?
hah. bye. lots of things to do.
alton koh ming cheng: you better stop making fun of my name i tell you.
anyway, physical training was...awesome?
hah. bye. lots of things to do.
alton koh ming cheng: you better stop making fun of my name i tell you.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
damn it. my forearm's weird.
the muscle ache is getting stronger and it definitely affected me playing the piano. that's why i said DAMN IT. i cant do trills properly and my movement is kinda restricted. freak ass.
i rather sprain my had next week tha getting this.
see...i told you
this year's my very unlucky year.
damn it!
the muscle ache is getting stronger and it definitely affected me playing the piano. that's why i said DAMN IT. i cant do trills properly and my movement is kinda restricted. freak ass.
i rather sprain my had next week tha getting this.
see...i told you
this year's my very unlucky year.
damn it!
life's a bore.
dinner with bro and family yesterday and stayed at uncle's house. Costa Rhu. OMG. my ex-home. =(( woke up so late today...near 12pm. had my mc breakfast bought by bro, bathed and headed to airport to send bro off. =( PP to Kovan to Hougang mall. muahahaha. with van and john. I went high in the night. for no apparent reason.
Anyway, i shall talk about will run.
I was rushing to school on Will Run cause I was late. The Run started not long after. I was so nervous... Like how the hell and i am going to run such a freaking long distance??? and surprisingly, i did. I ran 15km in 1 hour 45 min. and still managed to help out at the water point. haha. Quite happy with my performance. teehee. With all the encouragement from all my friends, it felt really good. okay...this is funny. I bought 100 plus cause damian, ebe, wen bin and jeremy wanted. In the end, they drank only a few cups? so I gave to people that I know and i did warned them it's 100 plus. In case they think it's water and decided to pour on themselves. Min sun ran past, I gave it to him and said, it's 100 plus. He grabbed the cup and continued running. I continued to watch him and saw him pouring the whole cup of 100 plus on his head. my reaction? !!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah. that's my reaction. and i went..O oh....what am i suppose to do? haha. and Juffri, he? Best. take the 100 plus then throw the whole thing away. cause he thought I gave him the drink that someone spit out. !!! why the hell would i do that ? zomg. haha.
I ran 2.4km yesterday, my napfa. woohoo. 14min 20something sec. I'm glad. teeehee. So...a gold for napfa. yay. yay. yay. but..now my hip is hurting again. and my right hand still trembles. I just hope the problem with my hand will not affect my piano skills. especially during my exam. haiz. i really dont want to go for my piano exam. i dont want to take grade 8 next year.
Anyway, i shall talk about will run.
I was rushing to school on Will Run cause I was late. The Run started not long after. I was so nervous... Like how the hell and i am going to run such a freaking long distance??? and surprisingly, i did. I ran 15km in 1 hour 45 min. and still managed to help out at the water point. haha. Quite happy with my performance. teehee. With all the encouragement from all my friends, it felt really good. okay...this is funny. I bought 100 plus cause damian, ebe, wen bin and jeremy wanted. In the end, they drank only a few cups? so I gave to people that I know and i did warned them it's 100 plus. In case they think it's water and decided to pour on themselves. Min sun ran past, I gave it to him and said, it's 100 plus. He grabbed the cup and continued running. I continued to watch him and saw him pouring the whole cup of 100 plus on his head. my reaction? !!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah. that's my reaction. and i went..O oh....what am i suppose to do? haha. and Juffri, he? Best. take the 100 plus then throw the whole thing away. cause he thought I gave him the drink that someone spit out. !!! why the hell would i do that ? zomg. haha.
I ran 2.4km yesterday, my napfa. woohoo. 14min 20something sec. I'm glad. teeehee. So...a gold for napfa. yay. yay. yay. but..now my hip is hurting again. and my right hand still trembles. I just hope the problem with my hand will not affect my piano skills. especially during my exam. haiz. i really dont want to go for my piano exam. i dont want to take grade 8 next year.
Friday, August 14, 2009
my right hand is still trembling...
why is it
people who you trust
always let you down?
especially when you least expect it?
especially when you thought they are different from the rest?
especially when you thought they were the ones who understands
and know you best?
once this bond is broken,
you'll never be able to put it together again.
people who you trust
always let you down?
especially when you least expect it?
especially when you thought they are different from the rest?
especially when you thought they were the ones who understands
and know you best?
once this bond is broken,
you'll never be able to put it together again.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
venting my frustrations on the balloon during training was
SATISFYING.
but If only I can continue hitting it till i burst it.
that will be damn awesome.
SCREW IT !
SCREW IT !
SCREW IT !
SCREW IT !
SCREW IT !
=(
cheer me up.
SATISFYING.
but If only I can continue hitting it till i burst it.
that will be damn awesome.
SCREW IT !
SCREW IT !
SCREW IT !
SCREW IT !
SCREW IT !
=(
cheer me up.
you disappointed me today.
you hurt me today
but
without you actually realising it
and i realise something else.
you never fail to put me down.
why why why why why
damn. GET ME OUT OF THIS SHIT.
I AM SERIOUS.
you hurt me today
but
without you actually realising it
and i realise something else.
you never fail to put me down.
why why why why why
damn. GET ME OUT OF THIS SHIT.
I AM SERIOUS.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
GOSH. friggin nine more days to piano exam. =(
about 1 more month to friggin promos. =(
chem mock spa tomorrow.
GP paper 1 test on thurs.
Math lecture test on fri morning. how cool is that?
I need the strength.
char love, hang on there okay. I know you can make it. I know you can pull through this shit you are going through. Both you and I know that you are strong. You'll make it! I'll be here for you. jia you. =) love you.
Give me the strength to carry on please?
stop disappointing me.
stop making me sad.
I realised I am fallin in deeper.
about 1 more month to friggin promos. =(
chem mock spa tomorrow.
GP paper 1 test on thurs.
Math lecture test on fri morning. how cool is that?
I need the strength.
char love, hang on there okay. I know you can make it. I know you can pull through this shit you are going through. Both you and I know that you are strong. You'll make it! I'll be here for you. jia you. =) love you.
Give me the strength to carry on please?
stop disappointing me.
stop making me sad.
I realised I am fallin in deeper.
Monday, August 10, 2009
I seriously hate to wake up early...
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Bellton, Xi Ying
thanks for the flowers. It was really very unexpected. Both you brightened up my sorrow day yesterday. Thanks a million. That small gesture meant a lot to me. It was really sweet of you. thanks.
-sien
thanks for the flowers. It was really very unexpected. Both you brightened up my sorrow day yesterday. Thanks a million. That small gesture meant a lot to me. It was really sweet of you. thanks.
-sien
Friday, August 7, 2009
fuck. damn pissed. since my existence is of no help and purpose to anyone, what's the fucking point living it? all i do is disappoint them, make them cry maybe? Everything except the good things. I am fucking tired of it. I mean it. Everything I do is wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.
what am I supposed to do? Is there anybody out there that I can rant to? HUH? no?! I am really exhausted. mentally and physical. My brain and body have both given up on me. what more? HUH?!
what am I supposed to do? Is there anybody out there that I can rant to? HUH? no?! I am really exhausted. mentally and physical. My brain and body have both given up on me. what more? HUH?!
This whole week have been a really tiring week for me.
And. finally, after keeping it to myself for so long,
I told bro. I told bro everything that have been going on in my life.
and I really appreciate it bro.
Thanks for being there for me.
crying everyday is really tiring and draining.
And. finally, after keeping it to myself for so long,
I told bro. I told bro everything that have been going on in my life.
and I really appreciate it bro.
Thanks for being there for me.
crying everyday is really tiring and draining.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Sucks. Everything sucks. ttm. BASICALLY EVERYTHING.
What to do? SHYT. Many of them think I'm going to retain.
Like seriously. I guess teachers also think that way?
eff. screw it. my life is screwed. damn it.
It's so draining. Mentally.
I'm so tired.
What to do? SHYT. Many of them think I'm going to retain.
Like seriously. I guess teachers also think that way?
eff. screw it. my life is screwed. damn it.
It's so draining. Mentally.
I'm so tired.
Monday, August 3, 2009
I've thought about a lot of things.
really a lot.
So many things I need to say to you
but I know I cant.
I know I've disappoint you.
More than anyone else I would say?
To be frank, I feel really tired and difficult to get move on.
I've sort of given up.
Cause everything seems to be impossible anymore.
Failures and more failures.
I just wish I'm not like this.
I just wish I'm a little bit stronger.
I just wish I'm not a weakling like I am now.
I just wish I'm more capable.
and I just wish I have a little bit more of your love, care, and understanding.
and know that You'll be there whenever something goes wrong.
But then again, it's just something that I know, will be as usual.
It will not happen.
really a lot.
So many things I need to say to you
but I know I cant.
I know I've disappoint you.
More than anyone else I would say?
To be frank, I feel really tired and difficult to get move on.
I've sort of given up.
Cause everything seems to be impossible anymore.
Failures and more failures.
I just wish I'm not like this.
I just wish I'm a little bit stronger.
I just wish I'm not a weakling like I am now.
I just wish I'm more capable.
and I just wish I have a little bit more of your love, care, and understanding.
and know that You'll be there whenever something goes wrong.
But then again, it's just something that I know, will be as usual.
It will not happen.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
broken down again and again.
i give up.
I'm a quitter.
take my life away
i give up.
I'm a quitter.
take my life away