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Hey yo people, I'm Sien. 16th October's my special day. haha I LOVE MUSIC, and my freaking nice friends <3 I love him :)





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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

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Thursday, November 19, 2009

dont know why i'm feeling all weird and emo again.
i feel like drinking? letting everything out.
like seriously. i want to let go.

i've never stayed over at a friend's place before. just because there may be guys around. i remembered last year. after Os..i was looking forward to the chalet. I was really looking forward to the chalet so muchhh. In the end. I wasnt allowed to stay. and they gave me many reasons on why they dont allow me to stay over. Yes. they are worried for my safety. Yes, it's all for my own good. But isnt it just...they dont trust me? they always say in their eyes, i'm still a small girl. Dont know about things. I'm very naive. Very protected. that's why i dont know this and that. Maybe, sometimes you should not worry so much? give me MY life? not like i go around doing arson and stuff. The thing that gets me really pissed is when they say i am very protected and i dont know about a lot of things. it really gets on my nerve. I will say. My 'friends', they know me better than my own ppl? Sad to say that right? but that's just the fact. before u ask me anything or say :' why didnt u tell me this and that?' ask yourself first. why didnt she want to tell me? is she scared? or is it because all along i've forbid her to do this and that. that's why she dont wanna share her feelings and what she's thinking with me? HUH? have you all ever asked yourself these questions? before telling me what's right for me and what's good for me, have you all ever thought this? What is it, that I really want? HUH? HAVE YOU ALL EVER ASKED YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS? you know how it feels? to see your friends having fun, staying over? doing some things that they are allowed to do. and you're not allowed. you kinda feel outcast in some ways. i think you all never asked me what i really want before? you dont know why i dont wanna come home early. you all dont know how i feel at all. nobody knows. except me? my friends are the only ones i can talk to....at least a few. whom i can trust.

but these few days... dont know why. when i really really need to talk to someone. about how i feel. about everything i'm feeling, without keeping anything from them, or afraid to let them know some stuff....i realised. there's no one i can talk to. so i guess i dont really have a close friend? yeah. so..everyone around me is superficial? idk...i really dont know who really cares about me, Who really knows me well. it's so frustrating.

writing this. not to gain sympathy or whatsoever. i'm just writing how i'm feeling.