I am really confused now. about everything that is going on in my life. It's really like a roller coaster ride. Sometime i really feel glad that it happened, yet sometimes i think it shouldn't happen at all. It shouldnt even have started in the first place. I wonder how it all happened too. I'm really very confused about the situation now. Well I guess what I'm doing..it's wrong? Maybe deep down inside I have an answer but I am refusing to accept it. because of that one reason, I refuse to accept it. How can I be so mean and so not practical? I'm horrible. horrible. horrible. I've always thought about it. many times. But, I always have no conclusion. No conclusion. No answers to my own questions. I'm feeling all frustrated. I never thought something like that would happen to me. Damn it. I've got about one month to think about it. And when the time comes, I really have to face it. But I dont want. I'm not ready. Just not ready. I know it's partly my fault for this whole thing. But I cant do anything and ruin someone's most important days right? I just cant. There's nothing I can do. nothing. so confused. no one can help me. No one can give me an answer. ARGHHHHHHHH. FRUSTRATING TTM.

anyway, like i've guessed. I'm late for school today. I think I will need to do that VCW shit thing. damn it. and yeah. Most probably I would be retaining next year. 3 years in JC. I know it would be better for me to spend three years in college cause I know I wont be able to cope with J2 life and work. But how am I going to face the fact that I am going to retain? and tell my family all these shit? I'll be disappointing them again. AGAIN. FRIGGIN AGAIN. roar roar roar roar roar roar roar. Everything is too fast paced for me. I can't catch up with the world seriously. I need a break with everything that's going on and just have some time alone to think about life. I want the answer. What's the purpose for me living here. I really need to know. =(

11:46 AM ·